That 70s Show Quotes
Kitty Forman: Red's mother is coming.
Midge Pinciotti: What's that pet name she has for you?
Kitty Forman: Whore.
Red Forman: Without rules, we all might as well
be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
Red Forman: What are you going to put put on your resume - dumbass?
Fez: You don't like me because I'm not from here.
Red: This has nothing to do with you being a foreigner. This is about
you taking advantage of my daughter like a sneaky foreigner!
Michael Kelso: C'mon Eric, we never ask you for anything.
Eric: You guys ask me for everything.
Michael Kelso: So, what's one more thing?
Kitty Forman: Oh, Red you do care.
Michael Kelso: I know what we could do. We could go skinny dipping.
[everyone looks at him]
Michael Kelso: Naked! That's the way God intended.
Jackie Burkhardt: No way.
Michael Kelso: Why not? It'd be fun.
Donna Pinciotti: Sure, it's fun for you guys, 'cause you can look at us,
and that's a treat. But we just look at you. And that's nasty.
Fez: Eric, what do you want to call
it when you want to stick two pieces of wood together?
Eric: I think you'd call it "nailing", Fez. Just like Kelso nailed Hyde's sister.
Steven Hyde: How long have you two been planning that line out?
Eric: For about as long as it took Kelso to nail your sister.
Red Forman: That kid's on dope!
Fez: Don't resist me, Mama. It's boogie time.
Michael Kelso: I miss Eric.
Jackie Burkhardt: Well, you still have me.
Michael Kelso: It's not the same, Jackie. I can talk to Eric about things that I can't talk about with you.
Jackie Burkhardt: Okay, well like what?
Michael Kelso: Well, for instance, the annoying things you do.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael.
Michael Kelso: See, I can't talk to you.
Red Forman: Forman, party of two.
Restaurant Hostess: Okey dokey, that'll be about two hours.
Red Forman: Here's twenty bucks.
Restaurant Hostess: Okay we'll have something in fifteen minutes.
Red Forman: You don't want this place to burn down twice do you?
Restaurant Hostess: Okay we have something right now.
Red Forman: I thought so. Well, it looks like it's our lucky night.
Michael Kelso: BURN!
Michael Kelso: Look, Jackie, I don't really know how
to say this but... I don't want your stupid stuffed animals in my van.
[Jackie gasps and exits]
Michael Kelso: No, wait, Jackie! I didn't say *you're* stupid. Just all the stuff you like!
Donna: If you keep stuffing your face like this your gonna get...
Jackie Burkhardt: Don't you dare say it, you bitch!
Donna: Fat!
Kitty Forman: I really doubt that she's just abandoning Stephen, I mean, she's his mother.
Eric: Mom, her exact words were "I know I'm your mother but I'm abandoning you."
Fez: Crack a book, you lazy son-of-a-bitch.
The Angel: Eric Forman, God's favorite little cherub.
Come with me, and thy pain shall be healed. Eric: Are you coming on to me?
Eric: [on the new water heater]
This is the best water heater ever. God bless us, every one.
Red Forman: Do you know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch?
Eric: Because he had a smart mouth?
Red Forman: That's right.
Eric: Man, what a loser! Hey, wait. I sell waterbeds.
Kelso: Ooooh! Burn! That's a burn about a burn! That's a 2nd degree burn!
Eric: Hey, what did we say, no crying in the circle.
Red Forman: You need to grow up and learn some responsibility.
Eric: I love you too, Dad.
Red Forman: What? Stop being weird.
Eric: Thanks.
Fez: That's not a tater tot... that's a tater giant!
Donna: Kelso, I'm gonna miss you trying to grab my boob...
it makes me feel pretty. God, I'm sad.
Red: Let me get this straight.
Donna came crawling back to you... and you said *no*?
Kitty Forman: [shakes head for a second in disbelief] DUMBASS!
Eric: Look, I... I couldn't be her second choice.
Red: Oh, so now you're too *proud* to take her back?
And what do *you* have to be proud of? You're not an athlete.
The only smart thing about you is your mouth!
Kelso: Hi, I'd like an order of books, please.
Brooke: Could you be more specific?
Kelso: Could you be more beautiful?
Brooke: Could you be more lame?
Kelso: Yes.
Red Forman: Son, you don't have bad luck.
The reason bad things happen to you? is because you're a dumbass.
Fez: I like my women like I like my wine - red and full of alcohol.
Kitty Forman: Sex, it's not dirty.
Red Forman: It's not clean either.